Does This Look Like The Face Of A Chick Who Got The Shit Kicked Out Of Her Because Girls Were Jealous She Looks Just Like Taylor Swift?

DM — A Taylor Swift lookalike claims she has been kicked in the face because people were ‘jealous’ of her star looks. Convincing lookalike Xenna Kristian, 18, suffered bruising after allegedly being pulled from her chair and repeatedly kicked while studying at college on Tuesday. Xenna, from Shropshire, said: ‘Some girls at college had started making nasty comments, but it escalated really quickly. Xenna said: ‘I tried to get her off me but my friends had to help. The teachers didn’t do anything. ‘I never expected anything like this to happen. It’s not nice to see people being nasty about you. ‘Since I started being a lookalike people have been saying stuff. They must be jealous that I’m going off to do something with my life. ‘Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I still feel shaken up.’ Xenna started performing as a Taylor Swift lookalike earlier this year, after people started commenting on how much she looked like her.

Remember the other day when Pres did the MFK with Young Hollywood and basically everyone killed Taylor Swift? Don’t you all look stupid now. Oh “she’s gross,” “she’s cunty,” “she looks like something you’d string up in a cornfield to protect the crops.” But guess what? Haven’t heard about any Selena Gomez impersonators getting their ass kicked out of jealousy. Heard zilch about Victoria Justice lookalikes getting attacked too. Everyone’s out for Taylor’s blood. Everyone wants a piece of the champion. Feels good to have my choice vindicated by a jealous, vicious gaggle of freshman girls.

Keep doing you, Xenna. What’s that phrase Taylor Swift invented the other night? Oh, yea: haters gonna hate.

PS – I know what you’re thinking, “hey feitelberg why don’t you start dating Xenna? A cracked out, Eastern European whore, kinda, but not at all, T. Swift- looking chick is probably more in your wheelhouse. No one, and I mean no one, would be able to tell the difference.” And you’re right, no one would know. Except me. And that’s the problem. I’m on a Grail Quest. Not a “this looks identical to the grail” quest.